Gravity Catches up to The Glass Teat (with appologies to Harlan Ellison)

I’m realizing that my television viewing has been changing, albeit subtly.   I’m not sure if my tastes are changing or if they suits in charge of some of the networks are nudging me away.  In either case, my viewing defaults have become exceptions, rather than givens. (Unspoken truth : I’m becoming a bitter old coot.)

Before we bought the house, I found myself moving toward HGTV as a first stop.  I would watch David Bromstad on “Color Splash” and enjoy the designs and whimsy.  I would watch “Design on a Dime” and think, “yeah, I can’t do that.”  But I was basically in love with the programming and it often helped spur my creativity. Now, not so much.  (Hidden meaning to this paragraph:  my parents ruined my life by keeping me from being a designer.)

Sure, “Love it or List it” and the “Property Brothers” were fun at the beginning.  But the manufactured drama part always annoyed me.  So did the “David can’t find us a decent house… till the end of the show” meme.  And then the endless reruns.  Luckily there is still Kitchen Crashers.  Yeah, I’m a sucker for Allison’s good looks.  She’s no Mike Holmes, which is a good thing.  Who doesn’t love a contractor in high heels? (Hidden meaning to this paragraph:  Lee like TV with good looking women; it is why channel surfing was invented.)

But it seems like design shows have gone by the wayside, mostly.  Every time I turn on the channel it seems to be some flavor of House Hunters.  And while I understand that the house buying candy is quite popular, it’s not for me.  In fact, having just checked, from Noon to 11pm today, the only programming is flavors of House Hunters and Love it or List it.  Seriously? (Subtext:  America still like a buffet.  What programming idiot missed that?)

Can I just request more David Bromstad,Sabrina Soto, Candice Olsen and Genevieve Gorder?  Having just looked, even finding the personalities on the HGTV website is a pain.  No thank you, I don’t need another “let’s have the amateurs have a contest “show. (Smart Creative People yes!  Stupid reality based game shows, no!)

Sadly, this is the same process The Food Network went through and MTV before it.  Ever try to find a music video on MTV?  Music is the 2% of its programming they don’t want you to watch.  But if you want to learn about teen moms or Italian Brats in New Jersey, it’s the network for you.  (Sad truth, MTV no longer cares what I think.  Nor did they ever)

I used to love watching the Food Network.  I learned a lot from Alton Brown.  “Good Eats” should be required viewing for any home cook with a life.  Sadly, Alton has gone from “Good Eats” and “Feasting on Asphalt” to “Cutthroat Kitchen”.  If I wanted to watch games, I’d watch GSN, which I don’t.  And if they think I want to watch “Pioneer Woman” or “Hungry Girl” they are mistaken.  (Hidden meaning:  tv thinks we are all stupid.  Oh wait, Honey Boo Boo and Duck Dynasty are still way too popular.  Shit even Toddlers and Tiaras take a back seat to those.)

Yes, I will still watch “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.”  It does provide a great deal of inspiration to the food I plan and make.  But for god sakes, do I really need “Guy’s Grocery Games?”  No fucking way.  What happened to real, meaningful cooking shows?  Where is Bobby Flay and Emeril Lagasse when we want them? “Restaurant Impossible” is nice candy, but it is way too easy to overdose on.  Yes, I did. (I’m admitting I am kind of a sad case here, but you got that.)

So helpful creative shows are out.  Goofy personalities are in.  Maybe I should work on being just a bit more eccentric in my demeanor.  Maybe I should be more like Moon Boy, Butterbumps or Patchbface? Oh ho! I kno!.  Nope, that’s not happening don’t fret.  (Yes, it was the gratuitous ASOIAF – Game of Thrones for you non readers – mention.)  

Thank god for endless commentary on football this time of year.  And yes, I do dwell on the fact that one horrid call was a contributing factor to the 49ers being the 5 seed rather than the 1 seed in the play offs.  Who said I was rational?  Not I.  (Football is life, but you knew that.  And yes, the Steelers got screwed out of the playoffs.)

If you’ve made it this far, you have my sincerest wishes for a Happy New Year for you and yours. (ok, deep down I’m really just a nice guy.)